Truthful Tuesdays: All I Want For Christmas

This is my first week joining in on Truthful Tuesdays which was started by Elizabeth over at Confessions of a Working Mom. This Tuesday Elizabeth asked, “What do you really want for Christmas?”

I could come up with a huge list of material things I want, but the one thing I want more than anything is a healthy family. As many of you know, my mother in law has been fighting cancer for almost two years now. In May of 2008 she had been complaining of stomach pains, after a visit to the ER and a cat scan at our local hospital she was told she had tumor in the lower right part of her stomach. The doctors immediately scheduled surgery for the next day. The day of the surgery was the longest day ever. My husband insisted I work that day and he waited in the hospital waiting room along with his stepdad, aunt and grandfather until surgery was completed.

As soon as I got off work I rushed over to the hospital, Paula had gotten out of surgery and had just been placed in a room. Daniel called me when she had gotten out of surgery and when I asked him how it went, he had just said “okay..” so I had assumed everything was fine. Well, when I arrived at the hospital, his Aunt Elaine had also just gotten there. We rode the elevator together to the floor Paula was on. Aunt Elaine had asked me if I heard how surgery went and I said “Well, Daniel said everything was okay..” and I could tell by the look on her face everything wasn’t okay.

Daniel met me at the elevator and we walked to his mom’s room together. When we arrived at her room though, there was a doctor talking to her so we stood out in the hallway. I heard the doctor introduce himself as the oncologist and I remember Paula saying, “oncologist? Why do I need an oncologist?” Right then I knew the tumor was cancerous. My knees buckled and I had to sit down on the hospital floor outside of her room so I wouldn’t pass out. Daniel held me and we both cried for what seemed like hours. When we went into Paula’s room she had been crying and talking to Daniel’s step dad, I tried to stay strong, but it was hard and as soon as I gave her a hug we both started crying all over again. It was one of the worst days of my life.

The surgeon at KGH was positive that by just removing the tumor he had got all of the cancer. The oncologist assured us that Paula wouldn’t need to do radiation and chemo and she is cancer free. The urged her to do a follow up with either Johns Hopkins or Jefferson hospital three months later. Three months later she had a cat scan at Hopkins and there were no signs of a tumor. Then last December she had another cat scan at the tumor had reappeared. I remember that day vividly.

Six months later, after countless rounds of chemo and radiation and an intense surgery which removed the tumor, her uterus, part of her intestines and one of her kidneys we thought once again Paula would be cancer free. We were wrong, it has now spread to her lungs and once again we are going through chemotherapy. This time the chemo can’t be as aggressive as it was in the past, because she only has one kidney. This time the doctor’s outlooks aren’t positive, if this doesn’t work then who knows what will work.

Paula goes for another cat scan a few days before Christmas and the best Christmas present in the world would be news that the chemo IS working and she is cancer free! I don’t know if we’ll be that lucky though, Paula just had another round of chemo last week and her white blood cell counts have dropped dramatically. She may need to be hospitalized either today or tomorrow.

I know I joke about hating being on a budget this Christmas and not being able to get the material things that I want, but really all I want for Christmas is a healthy family and a mother in law who is cancer free! She did get her wish for being well enough to be present for Cecilia’s birth, but I want her to be able to see Cecilia grow up too. I want her to be there for Cecilia’s first dance recital, her first day of school, school plays, softball games and her high school graduation.
I apologize to those of you who are visiting my blog for the first time, I try to keep my blog upbeat and positive, but sometimes life isn’t always upbeat and positive. Visit back soon and I promise I will write happier posts.