Please be a dream...

I am hoping to wake up any second now, I just got some of the worst news possible and I am hoping it is all just a dream. My sister-in-law, Tammy sent me a text this morning asking if I had heard how my MIL’s appointment went yesterday. I assumed it went okay, because Daniel hadn’t said anything last night, but then again we were at the Cocktail Hour and maybe his mom and step-dad didn’t want to give us bad news while we were out. I sent Tammy a text back, “everything is okay, right?” And she said “no.” So I immediately picked up the phone and called her.

Tammy told me that Paula’s appointment with the oncologist was not okay. Apparently, they found two good size spots on her lungs that are cancerous. They were there earlier this year, but my assumption was that the radiation got rid of them, because last we had heard (two weeks ago) she was cancer-free. She has two options, she can do this experimental oral chemo treatment or she can do chemo, but just at 50% due to her having only one kidney (they took the other out when she had surgery in July). Either way from the way Tammy was talking, the outlook does not look good. I hate, hate cancer! It is a dirty word in my book. Lung cancer especially scares me, my grandmother died from lung cancer (it started as stomach cancer, but progressed to lung cancer) and my good friend, Brooks had Osteocarmo, a form of bone cancer which spread to his lunch and he died at the age of 16.

Ernie, Daniel’s stepdad did call us last night and asked if we would be able to take off after Christmas and go to Arizona for a few days to see, Kim, Daniel’s sister who lives out there. Daniel told him we could. I now feel selfish, because I told Daniel, “We will be closing on the house around that time, and money will be tight! But we’ll try to figure out something.” After talking to Tammy, I found out that Paula really wants to go to Arizona so the family can be together and do one last family vacation. So I don’t care how we do it, we are definitely going!

I am not looking forward to tonight when Daniel gets told about his mom. It isn’t going to be pretty, it wasn’t last time, but at least now I will be more prepared. Last time we both found out at the same time, and I was just as much of a wreck as he was. I am going to try to make things as easy on him as possible. Please, please say your prayers for Paula and our family. We have a long road ahead of us and hopefully a positive outcome!

I am still hoping to wake up and all of this will be a bad dream..

Edited to Add: What do I do? I know and Daniel doesn’t. I can’t keep something like this from my husband. Do I tell him? I don’t know if I should call his stepdad or mom tell them to tell him, because I know? Do I tell his sister to tell him? But it’s not her place, it should come from his mom or stepdad! I know I would be angry if Daniel knew something about my one of my parents and he didn’t tell me.